The Subtle Art of Rapport: 5 Ways to Quietly Build Your Personal Brand’s Presence

The most magnetic personal brands don’t perform - they resonate. Make meaningful connections that inspire trust, confidence and lasting influence.

We can often think of rapport as something you either have with someone or you don’t. In reality, it’s something you can cultivate with nuance and emotional intelligence. 

With so many obsessed with being in vogue, we can overlook the power of being in tune. The most magnetic personal brands don’t rely on force or flair - they resonate. They reflect, attune and connect on a deeper level with subtle rapport. 

Here are five quiet skills that set apart the leaders who don’t just stand out but actually connect:

1. The Swivelling Spotlight

The Swivelling Spotlight is one of my favourite tips from the book How to Talk to Anyone by Leil Lowndes.

Constantly selling yourself in conversation can scream insecurity. Outside of their resume, bio or sales page, the most accomplished let their successes speak for themselves. 

Lowndes suggests that when you meet someone, imagine there is a spotlight above you. When you speak, the spotlight is on you. When someone else speaks, it’s on them. People are generally interested in people who are interested in them. Letting others shine makes you more magnetic. 

Before: You dominate the conversation, unintentionally dimming others' light.
After: You shift the spotlight, making the other person feel seen. You reinforce your personal brand as grounded, quietly confident and gracious instead of self-promoting. 

2. Skip cliche (or worse, incredibly crass) questions

Another gem from How to Talk to Anyone that many are oblivious to - ‘What do you do?’ Is a crass question. 

By not asking the question, the real “Big Winners”, as Lowndes describes them, project their principles. You’re not reducing a person down to their job. You’re showing you can enjoy someone’s company without categorising them. That you aren’t using their response to decide if you’ll walk away or ruthlessly network. 

While some already know it’s a classless question, Lowndes helps articulate why it’s also insensitive. What if someone has recently lost their job? What if they don’t feel like talking about their work? What if they know most won’t understand it? What if they are already so well off, they don’t need to work? What if someone is a full-time parent? The “cruel corporate question” belittles their commitment to their families. I would also add that they might have a high-powered role, that they would prefer not to point out or may simply prefer to maintain their privacy. 

Instead, Lowndes suggests graciously substituting the question with:  

 ‘How do you spend most of your time?’ 

If someone wants to tell you what they do, they will. 

Before: You lead with surface-level questions that can feel transactional or insensitive.
After: You open with a thoughtful, human-centred conversation that reflects an elevated personal brand - one that values depth over a resume. 

3. Link with language

According to Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), we process information through our primary ‘representational systems’. These sensory modalities include:

• Visual (sight)

• Auditory (sound)

• Kinesthetics (touch/feeling)

• Olfactory (smell)

• Gustatory (taste)

Listen for phrases that reveal someone’s dominant modality e.g.  “sounds good”, “looks good” or “feels right”.

Before: You communicate solely through your preferred sensory system.
After: You adjust your language to reflect theirs, building subtle personal brand rapport that feels intuitive and connected.

4. Tune into tone, not just words

The aura of your communication creates or cripples a connection. Match the energy others are radiating. Without mimicking them, tune into their tone or tempo. Albert Mehrabian's 7-38-55 Communication Model reminds us that 38% of communication is from tone. From emails to meetings, consider the tone of who you’re talking to. Match the other person’s pace, warmth, and rhythm to create resonance.

Before: You speak in a way that feels emotionally out of sync - too fast, too formal or too flat.
After: You fine-tune your delivery to match their energy and tone, elevating your personal brand presence with emotional intelligence.  

5. Mirror body movement 

Mirroring body language taps into our brain’s mirror neuron system. When someone smiles, leans in, or gestures passionately, your mirror neurons activate as if you were smiling, leaning or gesturing. It’s part of how we empathise, bond and build rapport. Pay attention to posture, hand gestures, head tilts or pace of movements. 

Before: You hold a stiff, disconnected posture, oblivious to the other person’s physical cues.

After: You respond with intuitive, slight shifts in movement, signalling warmth, presence, and personal brand alignment without a word.

Skip the performative personal brand. Have presence with resonance

True rapport isn’t loud. It doesn’t rush to impress. It reciprocates. It listens before it speaks. It observes before it offers. It aligns subtly, strategically and with intention.

Quiet power is presence. Whether through language, tone, body or energy, create a connection that transcends charm or charisma. Position your personal brand not just as seen or heard, but felt.

The most compelling brands don’t just broadcast - they reflect. It is the difference between being noticed and being remembered.