Instead of a ‘strong voice’ for your personal brand, do this.

Contrary to popular belief, personal branding is not about being the loudest voice.

Over the last few weeks, we’ve explored the power of storytelling for your personal brand. But, in a world shouting for a ‘strong voice’, I want to make one thing crystal clear. Storylistening is always more important than storytelling. Yes, a strong voice is important. But strong ears make you a leader.

International business extraordinaire, the late Mark H McCormack, knew this well. His book, What They Don’t Teach You At Harvard Business School, shares his strategy for aggressively listening, aggressively observing and talking less.

I first learnt this lesson on the shop floor working as a stylist. In my last role, I planned an 18-month tenure. The time left for my undergraduate studies. It turned into 11 years. Alongside my marketing career and studies, I spent over 13 years working in retail. I loved the energy. It was the ultimate storytelling forum.

I wrote this on my Instagram the day after my last shift in 2019:

“…And thank you to the customers who have kept me smiling and shown me that every person has a story to tell…if you choose to listen for it. A constant reminder to be kind to every stranger you meet. It’s one of life’s greatest opportunities.”

This was years before I ever set myself a mission to empower personal brand stories.

As a marketer, I’ve been asked to be a guest speaker for university students. The lecturer would end by asking for “one final piece of advice for our students”. I’d respond with “work in retail”. It taught me to be a storylistener.

These are the personal brand stories I’ve learned to listen for - the narratives of others and yourself.

1. The stories you tell yourself

Fear stories

As a human with a survival instinct, you’re hardwired to look for negatives. Science shows our brain is in survival mode 95% of the day. As they say, negative thoughts are like velcro and positive like Teflon.

Personal branding often requires a move from the comfort to the courage zone. This can be naturally worrisome. But, your primal brain can react as though you’re being chased by a lion. Which isn’t quite the same as a nerve-racking public speaking engagement or a social media post. Your fear-fuelled stories most likely revolve around a non-existent reality. Also known as fiction.

Our imaginations can write wild ‘what if…’ stories. Instead of appreciating the excellence of the present.

Limiting belief stories

In my personal brand coaching, clients often defer to discussing their weaknesses. Conventional business often indoctrinates ‘strengths and weaknesses’ thinking.  I once had a wonderful MBA professor for managing contemporary organisations. He taught his students not to waste time improving weaknesses. But rather, to focus on strengths.

A profound explanation of playing to your strengths can be found in Dr. R H Reeves’ Animal School fable. Don’t focus on teaching fish to run. Let them swim.

I instead focus on limiting beliefs.

One of my favourite techniques for overcoming limiting beliefs comes from Neuro Linguistic Programming. It teaches that limiting beliefs are merely a result of limiting decisions.  Limiting decisions are likely the result of an event preceding the adoption of the belief.

So, next time your personal brand’s facing limiting beliefs, ask yourself a question. When did you start telling yourself that story?

2. The stories you tell other people

Sex and the City fans may recall this reference. At a party, a concerned Carrie calls out Miranda, who is putting on a mini comedy act about being single. Her listening friend notices it’s likely to hide her insecurities on this at the time.

At the end of the episode, Miranda bumps into another friend. She’s trying unsuccessfully to have a family. Her friend puts on a similar show about the joys of not having children. Miranda listens empathetically to her performance.

These scenes always resonated with me. Every day life gives you opportunities to listen between the lines. With others and in your own narratives.

3. The real story

Listen to the stories you tell yourself. And the stories others tell. Somewhere in between the stories we tell is the reality. Remembering the real story behind a limiting belief or a fear story serves as a reality check.

When working with others, listen for the real story. Marketers (and stylists) know this. There is often a story (or problem) that is externally expressed. And then there is the internal story. Learn to listen for the unsaid.

4. The hero’s vision story

Over a decade of walking a shop floor, I heard many stories. Like fear stories around being judged. Or limiting beliefs about size, weight, height, body shape or figure. Despite many clearly not reflecting the real story.

I heard stories about needing a new outfit for a job interview, date or graduation. The real story was that people wanted to feel special. To feel empowered. To gain confidence in the hope of a new chapter. To realise the vision of the person they want to be.

Every so often, through the power of storylistening, people give you a glimpse into their story. Listen for it. It’s life’s greatest opportunity.

So, what stories are you hearing?

PS. Next week, I’ll share the last instalment of this personal brand storytelling series.