How to Overcome Social Media Stage Fright (8 Tips)
Are you lurking on social media? Is social media anxiety holding you back from building your personal brand online? Here are eight tips to overcome social media stage fright.
Social anxiety is described as a social phobia relating to social situations or performance. Usually due to a fear of being judged, criticised or embarrassed in front of others. This made me wonder how much people experience a form of this when it comes to what has fast become one of the world’s biggest social settings - social media. In this blog, I’ll share how I learned to overcome my own worries about showing up in the online world.
Sex and the City fans may remember this reference.
Carrie’s computer breaks down. As most would be, she’s distressed when she calls her friend, Miranda.
Miranda asks her when she last backed up. Carrie responds with (and remember, it was the early 2000s)…
“No one talks about ‘backing up’. You’ve never used that expression with me before ever. But everyone is secretly running home at night and backing up their work.”
I remember a similar feeling when I first discovered the world of LinkedIn. After years of no interest in having a profile online, I finally joined. Even then it was a reluctant move. I was leaving a role and figured it was the best way to stay connected with my former colleagues.
Once I made my profile, I couldn’t believe the world that was playing out online while I had chosen to stay oblivious. People I sat next to and spoke with day after day were all highly active online with hundreds of connections. Many of whom included contacts I had connected them with to begin with. Like Carrie and her computer, it was my own moment of realising that everyone was running home at night and “backing up their work.”
A full seven years later I was reminded of this feeling again. Only this time it was the experience of a student in an MBA classroom I was guest speaking in. They said they only “discovered LinkedIn” a month earlier and couldn’t believe it. I could relate well to this feeling.
With over a decade in marketing, I was consumed by the digital world during the day. But, when it came to my own personal brand, I had little interest in any online platforms. I now publish a weekly newsletter, blog and YouTube and Podcast episode. But, what you may not know is, like a true Scorpio, I’m naturally very private. And, I much prefer prioritising face-to-face relationships.
I’ve now realised that if you don’t move with the times, you risk getting left behind. While everyone else “backs up” their careers, relationships, network and community - their personal brand - online.
Social Media Lurking
Research has shown that the average internet user spends spends 2.5 hours a day on social media. And yet, most experts also agree that approximately 90% of social media users are ‘lurkers’. Meaning they use social media without ever interacting or posting any content of their own. Around 9% might occasionally participate on social media. While 1% account for most of the contributions to social media.
Perhaps, you’re struggling with your own social media anxiety. Or, feel stage fright about showing up online for your personal brand. If so, here are the top ways I remind myself to overcome this feeling every day.
Tip #1: Use your personal brand to show up for three people
Ernest Hemingway famously said:
“I believe that basically, you write for two people: yourself…Then you write for who you love whether she can read or write or not and whether she is alive or dead.”
Personally, I would also add a third suggestion. Create for the people you want to serve. Create with even just one person in your audience in mind.
So, when social media anxiety gets the better of you, remind yourself to keep showing up for these three people:
Yourself
Someone you love
An audience of one
Tip #2: Beware of the spotlight effect (even in personal branding)
The term ‘spotlight effect’ was first coined by psychologists Thomas Gilovich, Victoria Husted Medvec and Kenneth Savitsky.
The spotlight effect is the belief that you are the centre of the attention of others when you’re not. It’s an overestimation of how much others are observing and thinking about you.
Overcome the spotlight effect by reminding yourself you’re not at the centre of other people’s thoughts or lives.
Tip #3: Don’t create, document
One of social media masters, Gary Vaynerchuk’s, biggest ethos is:
“Document, don’t create.”
Vaynerchuk encourages you to avoid the pursuit of perfectionism. Instead, focus on showing up consistently and sharing your journey. You don’t have to show up as the flawless version of your personal brand vision. You just need to share the person you’re becoming and what you’re learning on the way toward your vision.
Tip #4: Practise gratitude
A documenting mindset can also become a form of practising gratitude. Taking the time to consciously appreciate the learning or opportunities you may otherwise take for granted. Your content, whether visual, spoken or written, becomes a diary unique to you. One accessible at any time, especially when those harder times arrive.
Tip #5: Develop a magnet mindset for your personal brand
Remember, no good brand is created for everyone. Develop a magnet mindset. Learn to become okay with repelling some, while you attract others.
Appreciate that by putting yourself out there, you’re pulling your people toward you. And pushing others away. Every mute, unfollow or unsubscribe should be celebrated. With each, your audience becomes less diluted by those your messages and personal brand weren’t designed to serve.
Tip #6: Put it in perspective
From when we were young, one of my closest friends and I have always loved the wisdom in Baz Luhrmann’s Sunscreen Song.
With one message, always landing most poignantly:
“Don't worry about the future, or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.”
We both came to realise the truth in these words through various family losses or other life events.
Big moments put the small things in perspective. I now never worry about showing up online. I save my reservoir of resilience for what I believe is life’s true fears. Like loss, heartache or poor health for you or your loved ones. It makes clicking publish a breeze.
After my grandma passed, her oldest sister in Malaysia sent my mum a text that read ‘Be brave’. From the big things to the daily small things, I remind myself of these words. And hit publish.
If anxiety around social media is getting the better of you, remind yourself it can be overcome. And like a muscle that’s exercised, showing up on social media only gets easier every time you do it.
Tip #7: Start small on social media
No one is asking you to go all in on popular social media platforms at once, posting everyday or several times a week.
Set yourself goals you can manage in your current season of life, and sustain into upcoming seasons. You may pick just one social media platform to focus on to begin with. Choosing the platform with the best return on investment and where your people most likely are. And add others in the future. Pick a cadence for posting that can work with your current schedule or not stretch you beyond your capacity.
Start small. Develop the mindset of intentional practise and experimenting. Aim to get 1% better with each post. Babies new to the world don’t walk straight away. They take baby steps, they don’t worry about what others think. They keep trying until the thing that once seemed impossible becomes second nature.
Austin Kleon in Show Your Work says:
The way to learn to take a punch is to practise getting hit a lot. Put out a lot of work. Let people take their best shot at it. Then, make even more work and keep putting it out there.
Tip #8: Automate a social media original content habit
There’s a reason why I talk about habits and processes as much as I do in my newsletter, blog and YouTube and podcast episodes. It’s because the best way to create a desired new behaviour is to wire it into your routine.
Automate the social media habit you wish you had. Schedule what time exactly you will plan, create and publish your social media content. Habit stack your desired habit onto an existing habit or part of your routine. Batch content so you never have an excuse for not posting. Overcome the anxiety of pressing publish by scheduling your posts to go live at another time.
