Business Book Review: Happier at Home by Gretchen Rubin
They say happiness begins at home. So when it comes to happiness at work, this could be the missing piece of your puzzle.
My Rating: ★★★★
Length: 288 pages
Publisher: John Murray
Released: 2013
Key Takeaways for Personal Branding
Best-selling author of The Happiness Project, Gretchen Rubin, shares her second happiness project. This time, she’s laser-focused on her home and her everyday routines.
Possessions and Cultivating Shrines
Rubin opens the discussion around possessions with a reminder of the words of Carl Jung:
“We need to project ourselves into the things around us. My self is not confined to my body. It extends into all things I have made and all things around me. Without these things, I would not be myself.”
Rubin identifies herself as an ‘under buyer’, caring little for decorating the apartment. Yet, she makes a conscious effort to pay closer attention to her possessions:
“Many of the most precious possessions are valuable not because of their cost or prestige, but because of the meanings they contain.”
She demonstrates an understanding that her possessions can be used as a projection of her identity.
Cultivate a Shine
Rubin speaks of ‘cultivating a shrine’. Admittedly, the dramatic name is simply to be more compelling than just “sprucing up the apartment”.
The shrine is not one of candles, flowers and statues, but rather spaces that enshrine your passions, interests and values. Rubin establishes one for her love of children’s literature, giving the books pride and place in her home.
The discussion around shrines made me wonder if this is why, throughout history, photo walls have always been such a moving backbone of household design. Or, why some keep impressive home libraries or displays of collectables. They all enshrine your values.
The concept also translates to work. Research from a University of Exeter study showed people who have control over their workspace design are happier at work. They are also more motivated, healthier and up to 32% more productive.
One-word Theme for the Year
In perhaps one of the most powerful, yet simple discussions in the book, Rubin shares how she picks a one-word theme for her year. A word that underpins everything she hopes for the year ahead. At the time of writing, her word was bigger.
Reflecting on Rubin’s method, in goal-setting we can often get so fixated on goals in different domains of life, that we forget to create a cohesive theme across them. To give our direction for the year a sense of harmony. To create synergies and to leverage the efforts of different goals against each other.
Paying Attention to ‘Bids’
Rubin shares compelling research around the concept of ‘bids’ between spouses. Relationship expert John Gottman highlighted the importance of responding to “bids”. This is about when someone attempts to connect. It might be with a touch, question, gesture, comment or look. He suggests we should answer with a comment, laugh or an acknowledgement of some kind. Because these bids have an impact on material happiness.
Gottman’s studies show happily married people make more bids per hour and ignore far fewer bids. Happily married men ignore their wife's bids 19% of the time; wives 14% of the time. In unhappy marriages, this skyrockets to men ignoring 82% of wives’ bids and wives ignoring 50% of bids. Gottman also points out that while some ignoring of bids is intentional, it’s often simply due to being preoccupied. This might include reading, watching TV, sending an email or hurrying.
I found myself considering how the idea of “bids” might translate in the workplace. How often do colleagues present bids that go ignored?
Favourite Quote
“The only person I can change is myself.”
True to Rubin's style, Happier at Home is a highly relatable read. Rubin shares both her elation as she lives her goals, as well as the many moments she preferred not to, or held back her frustrations. At the foundation of Happier at Home are Rubin’s experiments. And pushing her comfort zone. Something we also have the ability to do, to live a fuller life with those we love.
Happier at Home by Gretchen Rubin: Available on Amazon.
