Business Book Review: The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker
Read The Art of Gathering before sending your next meeting or event invite. Rethink why and how you’re gathering.
My Rating: ★★★★
Length: 320 pages
Publisher: Penguin (General UK)
Released: 2019
Key Takeaways for Personal Branding
Priya Parker’s The Art of Gathering shines a spotlight on the element of planning our gatherings that is often missing - the people. Parker’s guide is not told from the perspective of an event planner, but a professional facilitator. Meaning, she is trained in shaping group dynamics and conversations.
Upfront, Parker highlights an often overlooked point in business. We reduce events down to logistics like PowerPoints, AV and decor and forget about how we’re fostering the group dynamics. This applies whether we are running a major event or a meeting. And yet, the focus on people separates a successful gathering from a flop. Gatherings are said to flourish when the host has baked real thought into its purpose and structure.
As corporate culture drowns in more meetings and events, Parker reminds you to make them valuable and memorable. The Art of Gathering is a much-needed conversation about why we gather, and creating transformative experiences.
Of the many takeaways, here are my highlights:
Close doors
Despite being an advocate for inclusion, Parker makes an important point about participation. Be clear about who should be involved in what gathering. This includes not inviting entire teams or individuals unnecessarily when this isn’t required - simply to avoid upsetting the apple cart. Because, in the end, it does a disservice to the purpose of the gathering and the value it can provide:
“You will have begun to gather with purpose when you learn to exclude with purpose. When you learn to close doors."
Some suggested numbers for groups include:
Groups of 6: Conducive to intimacy, high levels of sharing and storytelling.
Groups of 12 to 15: Small enough to build trust and intimacy, yet large enough for diversity. It also creates mystery and intrigue around the unfamiliar.
Groups of 100-150: It’s still possible for everyone to meet everyone. This aligns with anthropologist Robin Dunbar’s ‘Dunbar’s Number’. This suggests that this is the number of stable relationships a human can maintain. Gatherings above this “tribe” number are possible, but the experience is broken into smaller subgroups.
Your room does most of the work
Parker proposes to seek a setting that embodies why you are gathering. One that embodies the idea. This helps bring the person’s body, not just their mind, into the experience:
"To paraphrase and distort Winston Churchill, first you determine your venue, and then your venue determines which you gets to show up.”
Jerry Seinfeld once said:
“The room is doing 80% of the job.”
Meaning, the feeling of the room and the people in it determine the outcome.
Moving rooms can add to the memorability of your gathering. Studies have shown switching rooms at different stages of an evening’s experience helped guests remember different moments better. Have different phases in your event take place over different spaces.
Don’t be a “chilled” host
Resist the temptation to play the relaxed host. Overcome the uncomfortable feelings associated with stepping into the power of being a host. Failing to do so is a disservice to your guests who have given you their time.
When you don’t step into your power as a host, others will exercise theirs in a way that might be inconsistent with your gathering’s purpose and your guests’ needs. Remember, power is a vacuum that will be filled whether you choose to or not.
In society, there is always a natural hierarchy; you being the host helps to neutralise any power dynamics that might otherwise be at play among your guests, aiding the overall experience for all:
“Most gatherings benefit from guests leaving their titles and degrees at the door. However, the coat check for their pretences is you. If you don’t hang them up, no one else will.”
Think less about how others might perceive you and more about what’s best for your guests:
“In gatherings, once your guests have chosen to come into your kingdom, they want to be governed—gently, respectfully, and well. When you fail to govern, you may be elevating how you want them to perceive you over how you want the gathering to go for them."
Parker suggests stepping into your “generous authority”. With a strong, confident hand, run your gathering selflessly for others.
A thoughtful structure
Parker posits that your guests’ experience of your gathering begins at the moment of discovery. Irrespective of when your physical gathering is, their experience of it begins whenever they learn about it. So, thoughtfully prime your guests for the experience from this moment on.
When your big day does come, don’t forget the power of beginnings and endings, over logistical details. Good actors tend to understand the power of an entry into their performance. But, what separates the good from the great is also making a memorable exit. It’s said that audiences disproportionately remember the first 5%, last 5% and a climatic moment of a talk.
You might even consider switching your warm welcome for a “cold open”. Like TV, which aims to keep viewers from the previous show, subtly shock by diving straight into things. After you grab their attention, awe and honour them. Plant the seed of them being welcome and that you’re grateful they are there.
How you end things shapes your guests’ memory of you. So, end on a high you want them to remember.
The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker: Available on Amazon.
