How to Communicate More Confidence in Conversations

The way you carry yourself in conversations could be adding to perceptions of your personal brand’s competence… or detracting from it.  

Do you find confidence in conversations a challenge? Your conversing skills could be creating connotations for your personal brand that signal confidence and credibility, or hindering perceptions of your competence. 

To build a more confident personal brand through your conversations, try these 5 techniques: 

 1. Slow down your speech 

There are several scientifically supported reasons to slow down your speech to increase your perceived confidence. Psycholinguistics research shows that your rate of speech affects how you are perceived. Speaking at a moderate pace conveys confidence and competence. Speaking too speedily implies nervousness and uncertainty. Slowing your speech has the added benefit of also improving listener comprehension. By slowing down your speech, you give listeners time to process the conversation and increase perceptions of your confidence and thoughtfulness. 

2. Skip the filler words

Slowing down your speech makes way for a wiser use of your words. Confident people speak more assertively. Their decreased use of filler words creates more deliberate speech that signals self-assurance and clarity of thought. Filler words like “um” and “like” decrease perceived competence.

3. Pay attention to your posture

Become aware and intentional about your posture.

‘Embodied cognition’ is the idea that the mind and the body influence each other. Just like smiling is said to make you feel happier. 

Amy Cuddy’s TED Talk, one of the most viewed TED Talks ever, had the world talking about body language. Especially the power of ‘power posing’ and its ability to set your mind in motion. Within minutes, powerful poses can create confidence. Once your mind is triggered, it doesn’t matter what the trigger was. Meaning, through your body, you can fake it till you make it.

Through being intentional about all aspects of your body, you can project poise or champion confidence.

4. Listen aggressively, ask questions 

You don’t simply have to speak aggressively or even assertively to be perceived as confident. Listening aggressively can be the ultimate power play in conversing with confidence.

In the book, What They Don’t Teach You At Harvard Business School, Mark McCormack says: 

“Listen aggressively. The ability to listen, really to hear what someone is saying, has far greater business implications, of course, than simply gaining insight into people.”

Do you struggle with talking more than you listen? Does it make you feel like you control the conversation? When you need to speak, skip the spiels and instead, ask questions.

Consider Brian Tracy’s wisdom in The Psychology of Selling. He highlights that whoever asks the questions, controls the conversation. 

You can speak roughly 100-150 words per minute, but you can process 600 words. The person listening is always at an advantage over the person talking:

“As a rule, the person who asks questions has control. The individual who is answering the questions is controlled by the person who is asking them.”

5. Maintain moderate eye contact 

Avoid the generic advice about keeping good eye contact. The key word here is moderate. A study published in the Journal of Nonverbal Behavior showed that people who maintained good eye contact were perceived as more confident and competent. However, overuse or underuse of eye contact is perceived as aggressive or evasive. Studies indicate the ideal is 60-70% eye contact during conversations. 

So, connect in conversations with confidence and elevate perceptions of your confidence.

For how to communicate more confidence in your writing, stay tuned for my next article.